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Starting 2012 a bit early

Hi everyone!

I'm so excited that 2011 is almost over and 2012 is just around the corner! As the end of the year rolls around, we tend to think about our regrets and achievements throughout the past year. I too am only human, and I've been thinking about this issue for quite a while.

I usually do yearly wrap ups on this blog, but I wanted this post to be dedicated just for my online activities.

So, how would I self-grade my performance this year?

*drum rolls*

Probably a big fat F, as in major fail.

I know I was never the frequent updater with youtube and blogging, but I feel like this year has been particularly lagging for some reason - or to be honest, many reasons.

Here are some of my excuses reasons why I wasn't the best onliner this year.

1. Spreading out too thin.

When it comes to war tactics, you NEVER want to spread your troops out too thin.
I think that applies to so many things in real life too, and if you're not a great multitasker, you shouldn't be overly ambitious. I apparently have lost my ability to multitask and prioritize things as I've started aging -_-;. I started jumbling too many things and I can't seem to find a good balance in what I'm doing. I wasn't really uptight with things (at least I thought I wasn't), but lately I'm super anxious and nervous all the time, I can't calm myself down to focus and finish tasks that I'm suppose to do. I feel like I have to do A when I've already started on B, and then while I'm in the middle of A, I remember I had to do C as well, so I jump to C.... and at the end of the day, I am left with a handful of unfinished things and an overwhelmingly defeated feeling. There were SO MANY things I wanted to do with my blog and videos, and almost NONE of them materialized. How bad is that?

It is odd to deal with myself nowadays, but I am always trying to self analyze what I am doing wrong. I really have to get back on the horse of prioritizing and getting stuff done before jumping around.

I did put things on a list of what I should do and what I shouldn't do. The worst part of everything is that I don't really have a set routine in my life at the moment. I don't have a 9-5 job (hurray for freedom, but it's a HUGE downfall for slackers like me) and I can wake up when I want to, sleep when I want to, and stroll around to places whenever I want to. Of course the feeling of 'Being my own boss' is less stressful than having a corporate job, but sometimes I wonder if I am really the leadership material. I work with a handful of people for my company, and I feel like if I can't get my life together, how are these people suppose to put the company together? Like one person said, it could be a case of a chicken running around without its head. I totally agree that I have to be put together to have everything around me put together, so I decided to go hardcore on myself and straighten out my priorities. A lot of my activities will be trimmed and cut out, but blogging and youtubing is more of the priority for me, so no worries about 'less' blogging and YTing :p

2. The Wrong Mindset.

"Blogging and Youtubing started out as a hobby", is one of the most cliche things bloggers and youtubers say.
I don't know... when does the hobby turn into more of a professional platform? I think the moment I put up the "follow this blog" tab on this blog, I had to change my mindset. But I didn't. I put out an invitation for people to come and read this blog, which means I have volunteered to share information and my opinions on this blog. Asking people to join and come to this site means there are some responsibilities I should take up. It is like inviting people to a party and then being a no-show as the host.
For the longest time I always thought that it was MY blog and I could choose to write when I wanted to. I'm sure a lot of people still think of their blogs that way, but I can't really try to justify my infrequentness like that anymore. If I want things in a 'hobby' way and post whenever I want to, I should just go scribble in my diary. No need to make people wait on me, that is the worst I can do when I am publicly putting myself out like that.

3. Finding Excuses

Oh boy. I do have to admit I have a very bad habit of making excuses for myself. I don't know why, but I can never get satisfied with my current situation. I would find weird excuses not to blog and youtube. I wanted a better camera, I wanted a lens, I needed a white background, the lighting sucked, I needed my makeup sent back from LA, I couldn't film because of my dad's voice out in the living room, I needed a particular lipstick, I couldn't film because I was having a nasty breakout, I hated the footage I just shot, I had to move, I couldn't without my penguins, I hated the camera, I hated that hot pixel in the corner, going to sephora became driving 30 minutes from my house, the weather was too hot, my eye hurt, my face was red, my life is boring so nobody would be interested in my opinions.... the list goes on and on.

For example, I would whine and whine about how I couldn't film because my mom's kitchen noises were too loud and the video will capture it. So I would wait until deep into the night. Then my hair would be too greasy to film, and I would have to take a shower. I would take a shower and while waiting for my hair to dry, I would do some internet surfing looking at cameras and lenses, eyeing what I should buy next. I usually get obsessed with electronics and bam! it would be 6:00am, my mom would wake up and start cooking and making noises again. Then another cycle of whining and "waiting for the night to come" will happen.

Egh, even I feel annoyed at how I was operating on my excuses.

Anyway, at the end of the day, if you are to do something no matter what the situation, you will always find ways to do it. You can have a bleeding thumb and a swollen eye, but if you REALLY wanted to blog or film a video, it's not that hard to get your tush up and running.

The sad thing is, I still love and enjoy blogging and youtubing. If my passion wasn't there, I would have quit a long time ago. But everytime, and I seriously mean EVERY SINGLE TIME, I post a blog post or a youtube video, I get so excited and happy I feel like I'm up in the clouds. I always feel that it was a good choice to blog or youtube rather than feeling shitty and regretting posting. It is just the progress that is always hard to break through.

I know it is hard to break habits, but I'm really going to cut down on excuses.

4. Thinking too big.

I don't know why, but I always put this pressure to make things perfect and grandiose, which in most cases I fall short. I always think quality >>>>>>>> quantity, but I need a good balance between the two because it seems like I'm actually getting neither.
"Small baby steps, Catalina, small baby steps" is what I am constantly trying to remind myself nowadays.
It is only myself who is putting the pressure on me, and I really have to stop it.

So why the huge self-analyzing post?
I know I am hard on myself, but I've come to a realization that I am lacking discipline nowadays. It's not that I don't want to do things, I am just becoming this irresponsible slob and I really hate seeing myself do that.
I don't want to look back on my 20's thinking "why did I do that?"
I know I'm not going to blog and make videos for the rest of my life, but while I'm at it, why not make the best out of it?

So, as for 2012, I wish I can see myself interacting with you guys more and taking this great opportunity to communicate with so many people as a blessing and try my best. I know I won't be perfect, but I will promise you guys I'll be out and about with my web activities more.

I greatly salute all of you who have stuck with me for a long time (cheers! you guys are the best), and I hope we can have a great 2012 together :D

Oh, what are my new year's resolutions?

1. Blog and youtube more!
I actually have a set amount of posts and videos I want to do, but I am afraid to say it just in case I screw up. Oh, what the hell. I wanted to do a 365 blog project (you know how people do their 365 picture projects? I wanted to do at least one post every day). Next year around this time, we will evaluate how I've done in 2012! :)

2. Ab workouts!
I tend to accumulate fat around the waist area (cough cough *pot belly* *muffin top*). I don't have a set number of workout routines I am going to do, but my goal is to at least do it every night. It could be one set, three sets or on a good day six sets. My goal is to just do it every single day.

3. Take some courses!
This is kind of a stretch, but I want to take some courses related to fabric and design. My move to LA is almost ready (I'm waiting on the apartment to get renoed) and I think SoCal could offer me some great opportunities. I've always wanted to learn how to sew (properly!), and since I am in the fashion business, I think it is more than reasonable for me to learn the basics of how things are made. I also want to take some makeup courses if I can squeeze some time in my life. It never hurts to learn! ;)

4. Reach my business goals! is like my little baby. I feel like it will take a very long time for it to grow as one of the big players, but it is growing steadily for sure. I have very modest goals for year one, but goals are goals, and I want to reach the goals so I can feel confident that I am doing the right things.

5. Stop eating crap!
My healthy, organic eating habits have been derailed ever since I came to Dallas. I blame a lot on myself, but my mom isn't helping out either. She loves feeding me cakes, cookies, soda, white bread or anything high on carbs and sugar. I love eating sweet stuff, but I can visibly tell how I'm not aging gracefully. My skin looks really dull and my hair is really unhealthy (so are my teeth!) and I look old and tired (when I'm not really that sleep-deprived or anything close to that). I need to cut out the evil sugar bombs from my life!

Okay, well, that was a very long post.
I will see you guys soon in new posts, and I hope you guys have started creating your New Year's resolutions too! Change is hard, but with determination and small baby steps, anything can happen ^__^*


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